When going through a divorce it’s not uncommon to think “I never want to get married again!” But later, you may fall in love again and be ready to venture into marriage again. If you are planning to remarry, you may want to seek the advice of an experienced divorce attorney to discuss timing, any necessary documentation, and any other questions you may have about building your next marriage on a solid foundation.
Common Questions Asked When Planning to Remarry With the hope and excitement that comes from a new marriage – especially after a painful divorce – it is important to be prepared for the worst but anticipate the best. Here are some answers to common questions we hear from potential clients that are seeking to remarry: 1. How long after a divorce should you wait to remarry? Most states no longer have a waiting period before you can get married after a divorce. In Illinois, there is no waiting period. Essentially, you may get re-married the moment your divorce is finalized and you have obtained a signed and entered Judgement for Dissolution of Marriage. Unlike Alabama, where you must wait for 60-days to remarry a third party, but imposes no waiting period if you seek to re-marry your former spouse. 2. Should you have a prenuptial agreement if you are getting remarried? Although prenuptial agreements are not necessary in order to get married, once you have gone through a divorce once you may want to consider having an agreement in place to avoid further litigation in the future. Although it isn’t the most romantic conversation to have before getting re-married, living and learning from previous life events might make this document that much more appealing. Although you cannot include language in a prenuptial agreement that designated child support or child-related issues, it can delineate what happens regarding spousal maintenance and marital versus non-marital property. In the unfortunate event of a divorce, having these items already decided for alleviates stress and a lot of the financial burden of a divorce. If you are re-marrying, you may be farther along in life and therefore may have more assets worth protecting for yourself or children from a previous marriage. There is likely more “on the table” and preparing ahead can only be helpful in the future. 3. Are second marriages more successful? When it comes to the success of second marriages, speculating the outcome it really does depend on the couple and what they are bringing into the marriage. According to a Huffington Post article by Brittany Wong, second marriages are more likely to end in divorce for the following reasons:
What we typically see is point number 3- that they are easier to leave. Once someone goes through the divorce process and has survived it, they already know the steps and what typically happens so it isn’t as intimidating and they don’t need to take as long to process what is going on. Those clients will dissociate with the emotions of it all and get straight to the business side of it all, leaving the other party typically in their own wake of emotions. In the end, everyone’s situation is unique and obtaining a prenuptial agreement before a second marriage may be what is right for you. Nonetheless, having an experienced divorce attorney to help guide you through the pros and cons is essential to lead you to the result you want when planning to remarry. THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/divorce/planning-to-remarry-advice-from-a-divorce-lawyer/
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While doing an initial consultation with an individual looking to get divorced, I have found it is common to get questions about whether it is possible for a divorcing couple to work together with an attorney to do a collaborative divorce, often in an effort to reduce costs or speed up the process. While considering your options on how to work together to reduce conflict and expenses, it is important to know that you cannot have just one attorney represent both you and your spouse in a divorce: this is an inherent conflict of interest, even if you two truly agree on everything. But for those individuals who prefer to try and work together to resolve the issues in their divorce, rather than negotiate through attorneys, divorce mediation can be a great tool for the parties looking to lower their costs, shorten the process, and keep things (more) civil.
Is Divorce Mediation Better Than Divorce Court? Divorce mediation is a process wherein both spouses will meet with a trained mediator, who may or may not be an attorney or legal expert, to discuss their agreement and try to compromise on a divorce settlement agreement. It is important to know that the mediator is a neutral third party, and it is their job to not take sides or advocate for either spouse. Instead, the mediator is trained in how to guide people through the process of conflict resolution. Some mediation sessions end with a full agreement that resolves all issues, some with a partial agreement that resolves some issues, and sometimes it ends with no agreement at all. While it can be helpful for mediation for the parties who have similar positions, mediators can also have great success working with clients who have difficulty communicating or have significant animosity towards each other. Being on good terms is not necessary for a successful mediation. However, it is also important to know that not all situations will be able to be resolved through mediation, and some are not appropriate for mediation in the first place because of the dynamics of the parties’ relationship. Mediation can be a difficult and emotional process, but it can also be a great opportunity for someone to voice their opinions and find a resolution to the conflict in their lives. Often, people come away from mediation with a strong sense of accomplishment and greater investment in the agreement because they helped to create it, as opposed to being ordered to do something by a judge. What Are the Pros and Cons of Going to Divorce Mediation? PRO: Mediation is more collaborative, and often less contentious, than litigation. For those clients who really want to approach divorce as a collaborative effort, mediation can be a great option to allow the parties to sit down together to discuss their positions and come up with a compromise that resolves their conflict on terms that both can live with. It can allow the parties to sit down with an individual trained in helping people compromise and work through conflict. Some individuals have been able to negotiate all of the issues in their divorce through a mediator, from parenting time to division of assets and debts. CON: A mediator cannot draft settlement agreements or court orders, which are needed to finalize every divorce. For those individuals who prefer the idea of negotiating their divorce with a mediator, it is critical to know that while a mediator cannot draft a settlement agreement for the parties--they can only draft a mediation agreement reflecting the terms of that agreement. Likewise, a mediator cannot present an agreement to a judge and request that it be entered as a judicial order. Instead, the parties will either need to pay an attorney to draft the settlement agreement(s) using the mediator’s agreement or the parties will need to draft the agreement themselves and figure out how to navigate the judicial process on their own, which can be a confusing and frustrating experience. PRO: Mediation can be much less expensive than litigation. While mediation does not alleviate the need to go to court, it can help you significantly reduce the cost of your divorce because mediators generally charge lower hourly rates than attorneys. Likewise, the cost of mediation, which usually happens in four-hour sessions, could end up being much less expensive than the legal fees an attorney would charge for drafting legal pleadings and multiple court appearances. CON: A mediator will not give you any legal advice or expertise. Because a mediator has to remain a neutral party, they cannot give you any advice about whether the agreement that you are entering into is fair or advantageous to you in terms of the current domestic relations laws. Additionally, the mediator might not have any legal training, so they may not be knowledgeable about the current laws and their impact on your divorce. Working with a mediator does not replace the expertise and knowledge that you get when you retain an experienced family law attorney. What Are the Pros and Cons of Going to Divorce Court? PRO: A family law attorney can handle all aspects of your case, including draft settlement agreements and finalizing your divorce at a court hearing. As stated earlier in the article, a mediator cannot draft settlement agreements and they cannot enter them as judicial orders because they do not represent either party. For individuals who have an amicable split, they can each retain representation to negotiate an amicable divorce settlement. For those who do not feel they need two attorneys, one party can hire an attorney to do the drafting and handle the court appearances while the other party represents themselves. The parties and the attorney(s) can work together to create all of the settlement agreements and orders necessary to legally finalize the divorce, and the attorney can handle all court-related issues in order to get the divorce properly finalized in court. CON: Couples who have a very contentious or imbalanced relationship are more likely to get relief in court. For some couples who find that they have little common ground in their positions, or have a very contentious relationship, mediation may end up more frustrating than helpful. While mediators are trained in conflict resolution, if one or both parties are not open to the mediation process or are otherwise unwilling to compromise, then little will be gained from mediation. Also, if a relationship involved abuses of power, control, and/or domestic violence, mediation would likely not be appropriate due to concerns of duress or coercion from one party to another based on the couple’s history. In those situations, litigation is the only appropriate option because it protects the individual from further abuse. PRO: “Let the judge decide” may be best. For some couples who have a long history of conflict, they often prefer to have a judge decide how to resolve their conflict rather than having to go through the process of trying to resolve it themselves. While judges strongly encourage divorcing couples to try their best to settle cases and resolve their own disputes, there are times when the parties are so far apart in their positions that they need someone else to tell them what is “right”. In those situations, litigation can bring finality to the parties’ conflict in a way that mediation cannot. CON: Divorce litigation can take a long, long time. It is not uncommon for people to begin their divorce case thinking it will be resolved in a few months because they do not realize just how long it can take to get to a hearing or trial. Not only do judges need to follow the legal process, which often means waiting periods and other procedural delays, but they will also often only schedule a hearing or trial after all other attempts at settlement have failed. This can mean that a case can go on for months, even years while going through settlement negotiations and waiting for a hearing or trial date. There can also be a long wait for court dates, depending on the judge and the attorneys’ schedules. For those hoping for a quick resolution, litigation is rarely the best option. PRO: A lawyer will fight to get the best outcome for you. An experienced family law attorney is the most qualified person to help navigate the legal system and keep you informed on the law and its impact on your divorce. While a mediator cannot provide any advice, an attorney will advocate on your behalf to get the best outcome in your case. Attorneys provide help, support, and a person for their clients to vent, which mediators cannot. For many individuals, knowing that they have someone on their side is an enormous comfort and source of strength when things get tough, which is almost inevitable during any divorce. THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/divorce/divorce-mediation-vs-divorce-court/ No one likes to pay spousal maintenance (formally called "alimony" or referred to as spousal support). When you are employed and your ex refuses to work, there is a greater reluctance to want to pay maintenance. In Chicago divorces, there is a difference in how judges will treat the situation of a non-working spouse though depending on if your case is “pre-decree” (before the divorce) or “post-decree” (after the divorce). If your case is pre-decree, in the initial hearing for spousal maintenance, the judge will take your spouse as they are right then -- working or not working. Spousal maintenance will be set based on the income both parties are making right then. First, though, you should understand what the word "maintenance" (or alimony) is to better understand how to argue your case.
When Is Maintenance Given to Your Spouse? When one spouse files for divorce and the other spouse lives in a separate household, there is an assessment as to each party’s ability to support themselves. Spousal maintenance is supposed to support your spouse in the same manner in which he or she had previously lived when you were together if that is possible. The statute under Illinois law is found at 750 ILCS 5/504. Under this statute, the court may grant a maintenance award to either spouse and for periods of time as the court deems just and appropriate. There is no discussion of "fault" or reasons why you're getting a divorce, so even if your spouse has done something wrong in your eyes, like had an affair, a Chicago court will not consider it as a reason to keep your spouse from getting maintenance. First, The Court Must Find That Your Spouse Needs Maintenance When it comes to getting maintenance in an Illinois divorce, it is only to be paid to a spouse that needs it. There are 14 different factors that the court looks at to determine if maintenance should be paid and once that determination is made, the court uses what we call “guidelines” to calculate the amount your spouse is to receive. But What If My Spouse Refuses to Work? In a pre-decree situation, the judge takes your spouse as the judge finds them. Meaning, if your ex is not working right now, the judge can still award him or her maintenance even though your ex can work or, in the past, had a decent-paying job. Oftentimes, in a pre-decree case, the judge could require your spouse to find employment and prepare a weekly job diary demonstrating the steps he or she has taken to gain employment. If your spouse never becomes employed and the judge finds that there is a lack of effort on your ex's, the court can impute income to your spouse. What Is Imputed Income? An easy way to understand imputed income is by way of example. If your wife was a dentist making $85,000 a year and then decided she would rather open up her own business to sell handmade soap, she technically has a job (which is selling soap). But if the new business only allows her to make $10,000 a year instead of the $85,000 a year, you of course will not want to use the lesser income for her contribution in a maintenance calculation. After all, if you are both capable of making the same among of income, it would be unlikely that you would pay support at all. In this example, absent other reasons, the court would typically require your wife to go back to seeking work as a dentist. She might still elect to sell soap, but perhaps as her side job and not as her regular employment. If your wife refuses to obtain another job as a dentist and insists on making soap only, your attorney is likely to argue that the $85,000 should be imputed to your wife, as if she made that amount of money. After the Divorce What if My Ex-spouse Still Refuses to Work? To answer that question, you need to know what kind of maintenance was given your spouse in the divorce decree. Not all maintenance is the same and the type of maintenance awarded typically has some requirements imposed on the ability to keep the maintenance or have it terminated. Since the court enters more agreed-to orders, or Marital Settlement Agreements, than it conducts trials, the written Marital Settlement Agreement detailing the terms of maintenance is very important. If the maintenance is permanent, there may be no requirement ever for your spouse to seek employment after the divorce. Depending on your spouse’s age or disability, maintenance may be given until there is a “substantial change in circumstance.” What Is a "Substantial Change in Circumstance"? There is no way to cover this subject in its entirety in this writing. The law in this area seems to change every day, but a change in circumstance is just that. Something substantial has changed in the circumstances, and the payor then requests a modification. Maybe the payor has retired, or gotten sick and stopped working, or the payee is making more money than when the divorce was granted. Even in those circumstances, however, the court does not always allow for the termination of maintenance, so the wording in your marital settlement agreement becomes very important. The statute allows for the termination of maintenance if your spouse remarries or starts living with another person in a conjugal relationship. That would be a substantial change, but also if your spouse gains employment. Your ex-spouse’s financial position has improved and it might be time to adjust the amount. Rehabilitative Maintenance If the spousal maintenance is considered “rehabilitative”, then there should be language in your Marital Settlement Agreement leading to eventual employment. When there is rehabilitative maintenance, the spouse may need to go back to school or update their skill set before they are ready for employment. Your settlement agreement should clearly state what is expected from both spouses to avoid litigation about it later. Review Your Marital Settlement Agreement or Judgment Take out your divorce decree and read it to see what type of alimony (maintenance) the judge awarded, or what terms were agreed upon. If your marital settlement agreement is not yet drafted, make sure to ask questions about how and when the maintenance you are paying will end. If the agreement requires a review on maintenance, make sure the review language is clear so each side knows what is expected of them. If your ex is not employed and the agreement indicated that she or he had 5 years to gain employment, then it may be time to seek advice from a divorce attorney and revisit the issue of maintenance by taking the case back to court. THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/spousal-support/spousal-maintenance-when-your-ex-refuses-to-work/ Finding the best child custody lawyer in Chicago may seem like a daunting and intimidating process if you have never been involved in a legal dispute. This is especially true when it comes to a custody case involving your children and fighting for what is best for them.
Just something to keep in mind: a few years ago Illinois stopped using the term “custody” and “visitation”. Instead, the Illinois law defines the correct terms now as “parenting time” – the schedule for when the child is with each parent – and “decision-making responsibilities” which determine who makes decisions for the child/children regarding their education, medical, religion, and extracurricular activities. So when the word “custody” is used, we are actually talking about parenting time and decision-making responsibilities. A child custody case involves complex legal matters and can be very emotional, so it is important to find an effective attorney that can advocate for you and your children. Here are some tips that can help you in the process of selecting the right attorney for your case: Do some research. Asking friends, family, and co-workers about their experience with or knowledge of a child custody attorney or family law firm they have experience with is a good start. There are also several online attorney guides that can help you do your research including Avvo, Martindale-Hubbell, and even Google and Facebook. However, remember that with the online reviews you can never be sure who actually posted the review and the reason behind it. Once you have a few names of attorneys and law firms in mind, you can move on to the next step of the process Schedule an interview or consultation with the attorney. It is very important that you actually speak to the attorney that you are considering hiring for your case before retaining them. This allows you to gauge if this particular attorney will be a good fit for you and your children, while also asking crucial questions about that attorney’s experience with child custody cases. Speaking to the attorney also enables them to learn about the facts of your case and about your relationship with the child/children. During your consultation, the attorney should get a feel for the parenting time schedule and parental decision-making responsibilities you are seeking for your children. What forms of communication does the attorney’s office use to keep in touch with clients? The relationship you have with your attorney is very important as you want to feel that the attorney understands your goals and will fight for what is best for the child/children but is someone who is compassionate to the emotional nature of a custody case. Communication is also key as you will need to be in constant contact with your attorney about your case. Make sure you ask the attorney about how they communicate with clients. Some attorneys prefer phone calls over email, or perhaps in-person meetings, while others may rely heavily on email and only use the phone when necessary. You should be comfortable with the way you and your attorney communicate. What is the billing structure used by the law firm? Also be sure to confirm how the process of the case works, and how the billing is structured. An attorney’s billing process should be clear and statements for the work completed on the case sent out monthly. Ask yourself “Do I like this lawyer?” After you meet with or speak to the potential attorneys you are considering, you should be able to determine if this is someone you can have a working relationship with. Do you like this attorney’s personality? Do you understand how this attorney communications and does that work for you? Does this attorney have the experience and knowledge necessary to effectively represent you? If you realize too late that you don’t actually like the attorney who is handling your case, this could lead to a stressful working relationship during the case. Make an independent decision. Don’t make the mistake of just choosing the lawyer labeled as “the best” by your friend who hired them for their custody case, or the attorney that has the most commercials on television. Also don’t just choose an attorney based on your preference for a male or female attorney. The child custody lawyer you choose should be someone you will feel comfortable working with. Don’t forget that the attorney you choose should also be the best fit for your budget so no additional stress results from the billing process. Do a thorough review of your notes from your interview with each attorney. It might be helpful to do a pros and cons list as well. It is important that you analyze all the variables before deciding on who will represent you and fight for the best interests of your children. By doing your due diligence you can be sure that you have considered all possibilities before selecting the best child custody lawyer for your case. THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/child-custody/how-to-find-the-best-child-custody-lawyer-for-you/ Parenting disputes, and accusations of being a bad or unfit parent, are extremely common in the world of divorce, juvenile, and family law. Many parents enter the courtroom with a laundry list of accusations of poor parenting against the other parent, often including abuse and/or neglect. However, most allegations are not extreme enough to rise to the level of a finding that a parent is truly unfit to raise their child, as the courts have consistently upheld that parents have a constitutional right to raise their child and considerable leeway in how they raise them. It is important to know how those allegations can impact your child custody case and, in extreme cases, what steps can be taken to prove in court that your ex is a truly unfit parent in order to protect the emotional and physical safety of your child.
It is critical to know that an individual’s parental rights cannot be involuntarily terminated, nor can an individual voluntarily relinquish their parental rights, in a domestic relations case. Many child custody clients inquire about whether it is possible to terminate the other parent’s rights as part of their divorce or parentage case, given their concerns about the other parent’s behavior and the impact on the child. However, that is simply not possible under current domestic relations law in Illinois. Significant Restriction On Parenting Time If a Parent Is Unfit Family Law does allow for significant restrictions to be placed on a parent’s parenting time and decision-making authority for a child, including reserving parenting time, mandating that all parenting time be supervised, and denying a parent decision-making authority for a child, domestic relations judges are unable to completely terminate an individual’s rights to parent their child—even in cases involving severe abuse and/or neglect. A judge can find that a parent is unfit to participate in certain kinds of parenting time or decision-making for the child, but generally, the court tries to facilitate a means for the parent to rehabilitate themselves in order to have increased time and influence in the child’s life. The courts strongly favor the idea that it is in a child’s best interests to have two involved and active parents in a child’s life, even if the parent in question is less than ideal, and only prohibits contact between the child and parent in the most extreme cases. Termination of Parental Rights Termination of parental rights does occur in adoption court, however, when an adoptive parent is seeking to become a child’s legal parent. The adoption process mandates that the parental rights of at least one biological parent be terminated for the adoption to be completed unless the parent is deceased. In adoption cases, a parent can either consent to having their parental rights terminated or contest the adoption. When a parent contests the adoption, the court must then conduct a hearing to examine the fitness of the parent to determine: 1) whether the parent is “unfit” to parent the child and their parental rights should be terminated; and 2) if said termination is in the best interests of the child. Generally, that decision is made after two hearings during which the judge will hear evidence as to the unfitness of the biological parent and what impact their behavior has had on the child and their well-being. THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/child-custody-visitation/what-does-it-mean-to-be-an-unfit-parent/ Unfortunately, there are many negative connotations when it comes to the word “divorce.” Maybe you have personally went through a divorce in the past or maybe you know someone who has. When people think of divorce, it is not uncommon for them to also think of words like fighting, arguing, lawyers, judges, money, time, etc. However, not every marriage ends on bad terms and many people are able to resolve their issues with very little court involvement. An uncontested divorce means that both parties agree to all of the terms of the divorce. For example, they agree on the division of marital property and the division of marital debt. In cases involving minor children, they agree on the allocation of decision-making responsibilities and parenting time. In most cases, this saves time and money. These parties usually sign documents known as Marital Settlement Agreements and Allocation Judgments/Parenting Agreements. It is typical when these parties only appear before a Judge on one court date, which is when the Judgment for Dissolution is entered.
Should I Get a Lawyer for an Uncontested Divorce? We represent many clients in uncontested divorces in Chicago. Some couples may have already agreed on the terms of their divorce before reaching out to our office. In those cases, we draft the settlement agreement in the proper format, address any important missing terms and work on the fine details of the agreement. Other people come to us and their only agreement, at that time, is that they both want to end their marriage. In those cases, we work with our clients to figure out what they agree to and we negotiate those terms. Keep in mind that in an uncontested divorce, our law firm can only represent one of the spouses. The other party either has to hire their own attorney or represent themselves "pro-se". Can I Still Get an Uncontested Divorce During the COVID-19 Pandemic? Due to the COVID-19 pandemic, there have been many temporary and permanent changes to court systems around the country. Here in Illinois, many counties conduct court electronically through the Zoom video platform. Currently, most divorce cases in Cook County, Lake County, and DuPage County are heard exclusively on Zoom, except when the Court may set a hearing or trial in person. In Kankakee County and Will County, most cases are now being heard in person with some specific, court-approved exceptions. Despite this change to court appearances, if you have an uncontested divorce case, you are still able to get divorced in a timely manner. In fact, an uncontested divorce completed via remote video proceedings can sometimes be even quicker and easier than an in-person court appearance might take. Cases are completed quicker when appearing on Zoom as there is usually less wait time, and the parties and attorneys are not required to travel to appear in court. This saves time and money for all those involved. How Long Does an Uncontested Divorce Take? An attorney cannot guarantee how long an uncontested case will take, but on average, they can take anywhere from three months to a year, with the longer cases usually involving minor children. The duration of an uncontested divorce case depends on how long you and your spouse take to reach a final, signed agreement on all issues, and can also depend on the judge that your case has been assigned to. The length of an uncontested case can be dependent on the judge because a court date is needed to finalize the divorce, whether in person or on Zoom, and the judge’s caseload will dictate when a final date is available. Sometimes it is only a few days until the next available court date, and other times it could be several weeks. Once the final settlement documents have been signed by you and your spouse, for an electronic Zoom appearance, their documents are sent via email to the court before your scheduled court appearance for the Judge to review and approve. Your final divorce judgment is then emailed to you or your attorney. An uncontested divorce case, despite being shorter and less litigious, can still be complicated by getting the necessary paperwork together and ready for the judge in an electronic zoom appearance. If you are interested in moving forward with an uncontested case, we recommend that you speak to an experienced attorney, not only for a review of the settlement paperwork but to make the electronic court process less stressful. Consult a Divorce Attorney Before Pursuing an Uncontested Divorce If you are interested in moving forward with an uncontested divorce, it is highly recommended that you first speak to an experienced divorce attorney, especially before signing any documents, to ensure that the terms you agree to are accurately reflected in the paperwork to be presented to the Court. THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/divorce/what-is-an-uncontested-divorce/ When a couple is considering a divorce, oftentimes there is a discussion about the house and who will live there during the divorce process. Whether it is rented or purchased, some people decide that they would like to remain living in the same house during the process of obtaining their divorce - particularly if there are children involved. So, are there good reasons to remain living together? In Illinois, You Can Still Qualify for a Divorce Even if You Are Living Together Illinois no longer has “fault” assigned to one of the parties in order to obtain a divorce. Parties can still be living together in the same house and still be separated from each other. Why Would You Still Live Together? Divorcing couples continue to live together for numerous reasons. One common reason may be that there just is not enough money for them to set up another household. If money is tight and you can set the appropriate ground rules, there is no reason why both parties could not still live together. Some people stay together because of the children. Again, if you can do this without excessive fighting or any type of physical violence, then living together for the sake of the children can be a positive thing. I will often advise my client to stay in the house if there are children until we have custody figured out. But only if some sort of harmony can be achieved. It is not worth it for the kids if every day leads to bitter words and extreme fighting. The more you discuss the arrangement and plan ahead, the easier it will be to live in the house together during a divorce. Tips to Make Living in the Same House Easier 1. Define Space for Each of You in the Home Some couples are lucky to have a large enough house where you can each have your own room. Or, the attic, den, or basement can be utilized to create another living space. Having your own space allows you both to keep your own possessions, clothing, and belongings to your own space without future arguments. Having some space away from your spouse will be very helpful as you continue to live together. 2. Be Respectful of Each Other When I have divorce clients that continue to live together with their spouse, you have to be cognizant of some family rules. One of the most important rules would be not to have "significant others" over to the house. That sounds so elementary that I am reluctant to even mention it here. But you’d be surprised how often this subject comes up. Also, if you have a house alarm or a dog in the house, come home at a reasonable hour. Nothing is more disturbing to the other person than having you wander into the house, resetting the alarm and making the dog bark at 3:00 a.m. Just because you consider yourself a “free” person now and free to do what you want; it can be unsettling to create a disturbance early in the morning. If the two of you cannot live together without causing extreme anxiety to your soon-to-be ex spouse, your living arrangement is likely to be ended by the judge. If there are children in the house, you do not want the evidence coming into court that you are never there for them and instead you come home every night at 3:00 a.m. There will be plenty of time for your social life after the divorce is over and you both have found your own housing away from each other. Keep your personal mail and documents to yourself and do not go into the other’s space to spy on them. You wouldn’t think this would need to be mentioned either, but if you are trying to make this work, a little respect for the other person will be mandatory. 3. Work Out the Financial Aspects of Living Together Since you will be sharing the space, you will need to share in the expenses. Of course there will be mandatory expenses like the utilities and the rent/mortgage, but then there are other expenses you should discuss like the grocery bill. Don’t be the person who never contributes to the groceries and then eats all the food. These are little passive-aggressive tactics that we see all the time, so try and remember that the goal is to get along, and eating all the snack food is likely to cause discord. 4. Do Not Fight and Quibble With Each Other Do whatever you can to keep the peace. If you feel a fight coming about, then go for a walk. The living arrangement will be for nothing if it results in the police being called or if there are verbal or physical altercations. Decide ahead of time who is cooking dinner for the children. And who is giving baths and putting them to bed? Perhaps you can both alternate as to who will do this for the kids to avoid disagreements. Avoid name-calling or other passive-aggressive behaviors when you are living together. I once had a client who was sensitive to any kind of smell and of course, his wife then started cleaning the house with strong chemicals and using cleaners that affected his ability to live there. No one knows better how to irritate you than your spouse. Try to avoid engaging in those types of behaviors. If you ultimately cannot get along well enough with your spouse, the judge is going to make one of you move, which defeats what you both agreed to do. Living in the Same House Will Not Last Forever! Hopefully, the house-sharing arrangement will not last very long. But keep in mind, child custody disputes can take a while to work out in court, and you may be doing this for a year or more. You can decide ahead of time how long the living arrangement will last. Or if it gets too difficult, a decision will need to be made to move out. If you and your spouse can work out your living arrangements successfully, it will go a long way with the court’s decision to grant you shared parenting time. The judge wants to see that you can get along with the other parent, and this will be great practice to demonstrate your ability and willingness to get along with the other parent. THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/divorce/can-we-keep-living-in-the-same-house-while-getting-a-divorce/ |
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