Trying family therapy or working with a family therapist can be life changing for some families. It allows an outlet for all of the built-up tension, anxiety, and anger. Family therapy can allow you to release your frustrations and teach you ways to better cope with these unfamiliar and extremely difficult situations like divorce and separation.
Navigating the Emotions of Divorce with Family Therapy Navigating the feelings that often come with a divorce or a change in a family dynamic can be difficult for all parties involved. It can especially be difficult for children because they are at the mercy of their parents and often not fully informed with what is going on. High emotions are experienced at this time and can be hard for anyone to manage on their own. It’s hard to keep a clear mind and make rational decisions. Family therapy really focuses on helping individuals with these emotions move through and past the negativity and gain a brighter outlook on the situation. Working with a marriage or family therapist is helpful because these therapists have exceptional training and experience in aiding individuals to get through similar times in their life. Often family therapists have experienced something similar themselves and can relate to the situation. Finding the Right Therapist for You and Your Family Below are a few things to consider in determining if a therapist is the “right fit” for you and your family. Who does the therapist talk to? Every therapist operates slightly different. Generally, a family therapist will talk to people that are intertwined and heavily involved in the family’s life. This obviously includes each member of the family, teachers, extended family members, and maybe caregivers. It certainly will depend upon how severe the issues are. The therapist will likely start with individual sessions which may lead to some group therapy or the child may have therapy sessions with each parent separately. Every family is different and experiences different needs. Generally, family therapists are really in tune with what is the best fit for each family dynamic. Therapists who work with children, especially children who are at a very young age, often like to talk with all the prominent adult figures in a child’s life to ensure everyone is aware and on board with helping the child navigate through this confusing and/or difficult time. When is the best time to start therapy? Now! Therapy is beneficial for anyone at any time. If your family is experiencing the effects of divorce or separation, sooner than later is the best time to start. I would recommend researching therapists in your area and meeting with a few to get a feel for their different approaches and strategies. Tell them a little about your family and why you want to incorporate family therapy into your family’s regular routine and they will have advice for you. It’s never too late to being therapy. Therapy is offered for just about every stage of life changes. How do you select a family therapist? There are so many different kinds of family therapists. Do some online research, talk to any connections you may have, and meet with a few therapists before officially selecting one. You will find some specialize in older children and others in younger children. Often therapist’s bios and reviews of prior clients are easily accessible online, so don’t forget to check them out. At your initial consultation, be sure to voice your concerns and explain what you are looking for in therapy. Maybe it’s reunification with a parent or helping your child navigate through the changes in the new family dynamic. No matter how big or small, therapy will be beneficial. Once you select a family therapist, be sure to give them a chance to get to know you and your situation, but if after some time the therapy does not appear to be helping, it may be time to find a better fit. Don’t be afraid to speak up! How does family therapy help children in a divorce situation? Children, no matter their age, are growing and developing at a rapid pace. They are especially susceptible to struggling with processing emotions and life changes. Some children are better at adjusting to the changes inherent in divorce and separation than others. Generally speaking, however, all children could use some professional guidance in processing these complex and often painful emotions. Family therapy gives a child a neutral place to share their concerns. It’s healthy for them to voice their concerns to a neutral party because they can be honest. This is a good way for your child to have someone to talk to other than you or your former spouse/significant other. If the therapist truly believes something is wrong, they will notify you immediately. It’s imperative that children understand a divorce or separation is not their fault. It’s crucial for children to learn and accept their new role in the family so they feel that they belong and have a designated place. THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/family-law/family-therapy-right-my-family/
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A lot of divorce attorneys lawyers get a bad rap when it comes to charging legal fees. No one wants to pay them and when pushed to pay, clients often times feel that they have no control over their fees. To some extent that is true, but clients can help manage the legal fees they incur. Our Goal Is To Keep Your Legal Fees Down Lawyers like to make money just like anyone else. Our law office has to pay the rent and pay its employees, just like any other business. But most family law lawyers I know do work hard to make fees reasonable. We want to help families and most of us in the area of family law have that same desire to help. We understand that you have problems, and we are here to help solve those problems. To provide the best service we can, we must balance working on your case to achieve your goals by trying to keep your costs as low as possible. To have a better idea as to how to control your legal fees, you need to know how we charge for our time. Family Law Attorneys Bill by the Hour We aren’t personal injury attorneys who get to collect a percentage of what you recover in your case. We bill by the hour. If you’ve agreed to pay a family law attorney $300.00 an hour, then when you see 1.0 on your bill, that means you will be charged $300.00. A half-hour (.5) is $150.00. The bills are calculated with “.1” equaling 6 minutes of time. That means .2 is the equivalent of 12 minutes. This is a fairly easy concept to grasp, but people don’t seem to realize that when they call their divorce lawyer five times a day, that they are likely going to see five charges on their bill that month. At our firm, we don’t charge you for calling to ask which courtroom you are supposed to be in that day, but it’s important to understand that family lawyers bill by the hour. If you need to call and talk often, you will be charged for it. A better way to handle phone calls is to wait until the end of the day or the end of the week, and place one phone call to discuss all your questions instead of ten separate phone calls. Simple Tips to Minimize your Legal Fees 1. Choose a Qualified Divorce Attorney Do you use your pediatrician to operate on you when you have a brain injury? No. Then why do people employ lawyers who practice real estate law to do their divorce? I personally would never touch a real estate matter because there is a lot to know in that area of law, and I don’t know it. And you don’t want me “learning’ how to do it on your case. Pick someone who knows family law. People must think that this area of law is not too difficult. After all, it is just deciding who gets the kids and dividing up the house, right? You’d be mistaken. This area of law encompasses pension distributions, property division (now I go to my real estate attorney), working with experts doing custody evaluations, etc. CHOOSE A FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY FOR A FAMILY LAW CASE You want someone who does family law. You don’t want to pay legal fees for someone to flounder around trying to get their bearings. At Anderson & Boback, we’ve been doing family law for more than 20 years. The divorce lawyers know us, and more importantly, the judges know us. We know what you can get away with and what you cannot. Don’t spend time and money seeking things from the court you can never get. An experienced, qualified domestic relations attorney will cost you less in the long run because we know how to get it done efficiently and done right. 2. Emails: Keep Your Communication Relevant I often get a client who wants to forward two months of email or text messages between him and his spouse and wants me not to charge him for reading them. A family law attorney charges you for the time they spend on specific tasks, so if it takes an hour to read them all, then you would be charged an hour. Determine what is relevant and what is not. Sometimes the emails between the two of you swearing at each other aren’t relevant to your child support case, so think about what is relevant before you send them to your attorney. Emailing is quick and efficient and a good communication tool. But the ease of email now costs more money, since people can send emails quickly and at any time. Keep that in mind when you email your attorney multiple times a day. 3. Utilize Legal Support, Legal Assistants and Paralegals Support staff will still cost you money in billable hours, but their hourly rate is lower. Try and think of the legal support team available to you and use the appropriate person. Do you need to get the attorney on the phone to inquire about what time you need to be in court? Of if you should mail in your discovery documents or fax them in? Some questions can be answered by support staff. Non-legal questions may be something that a support staff person can handle, and that will save you money. 4. Do Things Timely We understand that you have to go to work and you have an actual life, but you need to make time for your case. Your divorce lawyer needs you to answer questions, review pleadings that have been drafted and get the documents back to them. If you wait 2 or 3 days to respond, or you don’t respond at all, it makes your case drag on longer. The longer your case drags on, the more expensive it can get. If you don’t have it now, consider putting your documents on a system that will save them for you, something like Dropbox. We store our documents in Dropbox and can easily transmit documents to you, and you, in turn, can transmit them to us. You can save your tax returns in one folder, and your bank accounts in another. Your ability to get specifically requested documents to your attorney in a timely matter helps save time. 5. Stay Organized Along with timeliness comes organization. Your domestic relations case is likely going to require you to turn over three years of bank records, tax returns, credit card statements, and other documents. If you can locate them (all three years), put them in order from oldest to newest, or newest to oldest. It doesn’t matter. But keep in mind, putting them all in a shopping bag and handing them to us is going to cost you since someone needs to organize them. Review everything to make sure you have all the pages and all of the schedules on the tax returns. No one likes having to produce all of their financial records, but the sooner you do it, the faster the case will go. You have a duty to update discovery once you’ve provided it, so as you get new bank statements, put those aside since you will need to provide them in the future as your case proceeds. 6. Be Truthful Lawyers and clients have a privilege – the attorney-client privilege. Your family law attorney cannot disclose what you say to them unless it is likely to lead to something illegal. There is no reason to lie to them. I oftentimes wonder if people lie because they feel guilty or ashamed, but now is not the time for those types of feelings. When I try a case, I need to know everything. As a former prosecutor, I can spin nearly any kind of fact, but it is hard to spin it if I don’t know it. When my client takes the stand, I like to know that they have been over their testimony, that they were prepped on how to answer the hard questions that will be coming at them from the other side. There is no way to prepare, either the client or myself, if the other attorney knows more about the facts than I do. By not telling the truth, you’ve increased your litigation costs, since now I have to undo the bad thing that just happened to you. Additionally, your attorney won’t waste time on certain legal strategies if the facts do not support them. I remember a case I had where we were seeking an increase in child support. Everyone had to prepare their financial affidavits and provide bank statements and paychecks. My client was getting financial support from her boyfriend and her ex-husband knew it. He had emails between the two of them fighting about it. But did I know that? No! My client didn’t think the information was relevant and didn’t tell me about it. Did we lose that case? Yes, we did. And I would never have brought the petition forward for hearing if I’d had that information. Waste! 7. Prepare Yourself Presumably, this case is important to you. Try and spend some time on it and be prepared.
I learn a lot from my clients who’ve reviewed their spouse’s financial records. You know a lot about what your spouse does, even if you are not familiar with the specific bank accounts. Your knowledge, transmitted to your attorney, can save you money since it directs your lawyer in the right direction. Going through a family law case will be taxing, emotionally and financially. But you can control how financially taxing it will be on you. Pick the right attorney. One that you respect, one you can work with, and one that will call you back! Be organized and timely. Work together with your attorney and your case will run more smoothly, which results in a lot less cost to you. Good luck! THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/family-law/tips-keep-legal-fees-down/ There has been an increase of incidents of spying on your spouse in family law cases with the increase of technology in today’s world. With today’s readily available technology, examples of tracking a spouse using cell phone GPS or listening in on visitation between parents and children through devices strapped to young children who are unaware of what is occurring are not unusual. With technology readily accessible, it’s definitely different to get divorced now than it was 10 years ago.
Spying On Your Spouse Can Have Serious Consequences Judges are taking these allegations of illegally tracking or spying on your spouse very seriously. Heavy sanctions are being imposed if there is evidence of one party illegally spying on the other. Attorneys are also taking action and demanding sanctions be issued against these stalkers. CHECK YOUR DEVICES AT THE DOOR Some family law attorneys require all sensitive information concerning a case to be discussed in person in their secure office environment. Attorneys take these types of issues very seriously and even attend legal education seminars on the subject to further ways to protect their clients. I know an attorney who always asks their clients to leave all laptops, computers, and other forms of technology at their reception desk. The attorney prohibits those devices to be in the same room as their meetings with clients. While this may seem extreme, in today’s world this appears to be the only secure way to have a confidential conversation with a client. Be Aware of Spyware and Tracking Devices Couples going through a divorce or family law litigation need to be aware that a tracking device can easily be attached to their vehicle in mere seconds. Today’s technology is extremely advanced; it’s sneaky and discreet. Here are just some of the things equating to spying on a spouse in family law cases:
All of these examples are viewed as an invasion of privacy. While this is becoming more common, Judges don’t react kindly to this behavior. Change all of your Passwords My first piece of advice for a new client is to change all your passwords! Make sure they are not something easily guessed by your soon to be former spouse. Also, be aware of security questions on your various accounts; spouses generally know the standard, generalized questions that you use when you have to reset your passwords. Be cautious with this type of information; it could make or break your case. Check Computer for Spyware If Necessary If you know about it, you can bring it up to the Judge or take the necessary action to prevent furthering spying. If you believe there is a chance your computer has spyware on it, take it into the repair shop immediately to be investigated. That money spent may be well worth it down the road in divorce litigation. What’s the Point of Proving Stalking? When consulting with a client regarding these spying or tracking issues, it’s always important to perform a cost-benefit analysis to decide whether pursuing a forensic investigation will be valuable or not to your case. Is there a likelihood that pursuing an investigation will lead to recovering beneficial information? Will this information directly impact the client’s case in a positive way? These factors need to be taken into consideration when determining whether or not to pursue a stalking charge in a family law matter. For example, Illinois is a no-fault state. This means the reason the parties are getting a divorce does not make a difference in the outcome. Whether there was cheating in the relationship or just a difference in personalities that could not be overcome, Illinois law does not care when distributing marital property or deciding issues concerning children such as parenting time or child support. An Illinois judge will not make rulings harsher against a cheating spouse versus a non-cheating spouse. This demonstrates how going through great efforts to prove your spouse is cheating may not be cost-effective to your case. Clients tend to want to prove their X is in the wrong or cheating on them. While this may be satisfying mentally or important for one to share with their friends and family; in a court of law, it will not generally affect the outcome of your case. Be Aware of Signs of Spying or Tracking Behavior Don’t stoop to the level of cheating; it can only come back to haunt you in court and speak negatively about your character. If you are going through a divorce or child custody situation, be sure to be on the lookout for any signs that your ex is trying to spy on or illegally track you. Be smart about your decisions with sensitive information or information concerning the strategy of your litigation. Make sure you are always thinking one step ahead of the game to put yourself in the best positive possible. Be sure to consult with an attorney before making big decisions concerning sensitive topics in your case. Contact Anderson & Boback to speak with one of our experienced family law attorneys and avoiding the dangers of spying on your spouse. THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/illinois-family-law/spying-spouse-family-law-case-illegal/ |
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August 2022
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